June 1, 2008

The Golden Rule: an Ethic of Civility

by Julianne Stokstad

Our world is being torn apart by all manner of nasty destructive forces: competition for limited resources, greed, terrible poverty, war and widespread destruction of our one Earth home. Our world is being ripped apart by simmering differences of race, religion, and education. What are we to do? How can we get along?

It's not a new problem. Jesus instructed us on how we can get along. Today we heard it again - treat others only in ways that you are willing to be treated in the same situation. He told it often in parables and story. It's the Golden Rule and it isn't even an exclusive teaching of Jesus. This teaching is shared by all the world's religions. Each faith tradition teaches a similar guideline on how to live life. It isn't even really a religious teaching, but a moral guideline of how to get along with others - an ethic of civility.

• The Buddhists teach: "Hurt not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful."
• The Islamic version is: "No one is a believer until you desire for another that which you desire for yourself."
• In Judaism it is written: "What is hateful to you, do not do to your neighbor; that is the entire Torah; the rest is commentary; go and learn it."

I suspect everyone here has heard of the Golden Rule. We were taught it by our parents, by our elementary school teachers, by Sunday School teachers. Most of us would agree it is a good idea for the playground, but how often do we adults call it into action? The Golden Rule is the basic tenet of all justice. It is all about right relationship. It is about love, mercy, compassion, respect---in other words, it is about how to live into the kingdom of God. I contend to go back to this simple teaching and incorporate it into our daily actions will make our world a better place.

The Golden Rule is not a common sense ethic of enlightened self-interest. The focus isn't on the self, but on doing for others. It isn't about what one might receive in return. It is a way to anticipate what is the right thing to do in a given situation rather than waiting to respond to what another might do. It is pro-active, rather the reactive.

The starting place for the Golden Rule is to actively take up Jesus' invitation to practice the inclusive love of God, a love that welcomes all people to the same table. We say we believe that here. In Jesus' vision all humans, not just the ones who look like us, act in the same way we do, believe what we do, are all part of the same human community held in God's embrace. This means we are called to live our life with a commitment to compassion, humility, forgiveness, reconciliation and love of everyone, including one's enemies. This is a really challenging way to live.

If we are to treat others as we want to be treated, we need first of all imagination!

If we haven't got imagination, we cannot even see where we don't treat others in ways we don't want to be treated. We make up reasons that justify different treatment----blue eyes are better. We might not even be aware others don't have the same experiences we have. We might not even know that it's our blue eyes, not what we have done that has gotten us where we are.

We also need knowledge. How can we gain knowledge about other people's experiences if we don't ask them? Jesus always asks those he is with, what do you want? To treat those different from us, as we want to be treated, we need to listen to what they say. I mean listen respectfully, even with curiosity to hear what someone else has experienced.

If we are to treat others, all others, as we want to be treated, we need to ask ourselves how do we really want to be treated? In the jail, I've learned perhaps the single most important thing I've learned is to treat each person with respect---as a human being that is worthy of my time, attention and acceptance. In other words, I am treating them politely. One could argue, in a world where we are so increasingly aware of our enormous differences, the glue that we need to hold us together is civility. I don't mean insulting saccharine politeness, but a genuine civility based on respect.

When we lose, as I think we have in this country, basic respect for each other then it is too easy say the Golden Rule doesn't apply to "them". We label them as "OTHER' and then we can treat them differently because they are not like us, they are out of get us, our enemy. Think for a moment of all the categories of us and them: old/young gay/straight illegal immigrants/ those born here.

How can we begin to live the Golden Rule? Here are a few suggestions:

First, begin with yourself. Keep before you the question: "how would I want the other person to feel, think, believe, respond towards me" The truly humble approach begins when we begin to see our assumptions, our sense of entitlement, and our sense of justification first. We do this best, if we have the imagination, by stepping into the other person's shoes and looking a situation from their perspective.

Second, hold on to the way of Jesus. Never settle for the idea that the incivility or violence of the world has to be. The truth is we are all capable of working together to bring about another way. The way of violence leads to retaliation. The seeds of violent conflict, of a major war are being scarily sown; it is time to find another way!

Become deeply rooted in non-violence. Violence is almost like an American religion. Movies, video games, TV talk shows and our national myth are based on the idea of redemptive violence---where good guys (us) win and the bad guys are killed, maimed or destroyed. When you see this held up as the way to be, stand up and say no! Challenge this assumption.

Seek to more deeply understand our faith tradition. Spend time in daily spiritual practice. The Golden Rule is a way we are to live in order to bring about the dream of God---the kingdom of God. It can be as simple as saying thank you or as profound as changing the world destroying our enemies by making them our friends.

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