April 27, 2008

Speaking the Truth with Love

by Julianne Stokstad

This might be my very favorite time in calendar of the church year. For me it is more spiritually profound than Christmas or Easter. It is the six weeks from Easter to Pentecost. It is because this time is like a treasure hunt. It is the time we hunt for the resurrected and Risen Christ in our own lives. All of the scriptures in this season are stories, like today's about the promise Jesus made as well as stories about the various ways in which those "slow to understand" disciples eventually recognized him in their midst. It is indeed a wonderfully alive time.

Today's story comes from Jesus' farewell passage in the gospel of John. For John's community their love of and commitment to Jesus was the glue that bound them together. After Jesus died, stories of his promise to be with them always were both confusing and hugely important in the development of trust and faith. I still remember my pain when my beloved grandmother who promised to come back to see me when she left me, didn't come again because she had died.

It is different with Jesus. He tells us in today's scripture that "those who have my commandments and keep them are those who love me, and those who love me will be loved by God and I will love them and reveal myself to them." He means revealed again after he dies on the cross. It is in this scripture he tells them he will send the Holy Spirit to them. The Holy Spirit is probably the most mysterious and confusing way in which God is revealed. Our second son, as a little boy, figured out that God must be like electricity, you couldn't actually see either of them, only the work they both did.

Actually the Holy Spirit aspect of God is like this. In this text, the word "advocate" is translated from the Greek word "paraclete." In Greek there is a range of meanings, all of which explain who the Spirit is by what the Spirit does----encourager, friend, helper, comforter. All these are active ways in which God expresses love for us. For John, these are the ways in which the risen Christ is found in our lives-ways, in which something beyond us strengthens us, inspires us, brings us to what we could not have done by ourselves.

You find this vague and unclear? I think we are called to trust the Holy Spirit is moving, to keep our eyes open so we can see the work of the Spirit and also to do our own work so that we are ready to receive the Spirit.

It is especially important now because we are moving into very challenging times, politically, economically and culturally. Whether we are concerned about rising prices of fuel or rising food prices, or global warming or ever-expanding war and terrorism, everyone is aware that the problem isn't just here. Such times cause great tension, and now with clear global interdependence, we all feel the pinch. Some of the worst of our human traits emerge as our leaders use fear to divide us and control us. What can we do? Do we wring our hands and pray for the Holy Spirit to take care of the problems? We surely pray for the Holy Spirit to intercede, but we also have our own work to do. Whatever we think, we are God's hands and feet, and any solution has to come through people working together.

I believe constructive change must begin right here with us. I think everyone is longing for another way beyond the dysfunctional divisiveness that has led to the isolation in which we currently live. I am so tired of all the selfishness and individualism, rather than attention to the common good. I am so tired of negativity. I am so tired of attacks and defensiveness and always finding the blame somewhere else.

We live in contentious times and the church's response is mostly terminal niceness. I certainly see it here. True, as Christians we are called to love each other and more. But, one of the great traditions of our beloved UCC is to have courage to face issues and to wrestle with them. Our Congregationalist ancestors in faith struggled with what to do with slavery in the early 19th century. Our UCC has struggled with issues of justice, especially for those on the margins of society. We are the first denomination to have ordained an openly gay man, thirty-six years ago. We took a stand as a denomination against the injustice to farm workers.

Now our denomination has invited us to enter a new sacred conversation, starting on racism but clearly leading to other sensitive areas of division---class, gender, and culture. To be sure, it is in response to the media attention to Trinity UCC in Chicago and their now retired pastor Jeremiah Wright. When I introduced this idea several weeks ago, the only comment I got was that there isn't a single racist here. Well of course not, who would admit to that? Not one of us would ever intentionally be racist. We've all come to understand that all are welcome, that we are all one and yet...and yet we don't talk about these issues.

We say Everyone is Welcome Here, but are they? How is it we make people welcome? Are we even aware of how those who are different from us see us? Malcolm Gladwell in his book Blink says we make most decisions instantaneously, in a blink of an eye. Decisions on what we think about a certain person, whether we are scared or not, whether we will speak to them or avoid them. It is an unconscious decision based on prejudices we likely don't even know we have. These are things we were taught as young children. In order to see these prejudices one must go back to childhood memories-e.g. rich people can't be trusted or non-English speakers are stupid. It does seem rather discouraging that I'm telling you we all have prejudices we aren't even aware of, yet are operative in us and perceived by others.

I recently learned some non-violent communication skills at a workshop, and I'd like to share a little of what I learned with you. As your pastor, the ordination vow I find the most difficult to hold is "to speak the truth with love." I think we all find that difficult. The great teacher of non-violence, Mohandas Gandhi, believed that each of us has a piece of the truth but also a piece of the untruth. Only together, by communicating our stories with each other, by truly having a dialogue, can we collectively come up with a greater truth. Remember that both verbal and non-verbal communication happen all the time. Experts say 90% of communication is non-verbal so tone of voice, facial expression, and body language communicate greatly. Communication involves active listening, not only speaking. This kind of communication is more about understanding than about winning or convincing others of your point of view. And, we must learn to listen to the silences, to what is not said as well as what is said. What I have found is that if we communicate here it is important we have our common love of God, Jesus, brought forth by prayer. It unites us and opens our hearts and invites in the Spirit. But also we must respect each other, listen to each other, and have the courage to tell our truth, which makes us vulnerable (another invitation to Spirit) without being contradicted, criticized or put down. These attacks move everyone out of openness and into a stance of defensiveness. I find the hand gestures a wonderful visual expression of what I am talking about (left hand up and right hand reaching out).

Why are we afraid to speak our truth? A few barriers come to mind: it is not nice to say uncomplimentary things about people, especially to their faces; it's not nice to say unkind things, even if I think they are true; one shouldn't rock the boat; it is easier to just be quiet and ignore the problem. Can you think of some other reasons why we can't speak truth?

One reason is that we are all afraid of conflict. We live in a sea of conflict and we want to make sure church is a place free of conflict. Many churches, including this one I think, have settled for superficiality and lack of engagement as a way to keep free of conflict.

I understand that concern, but I think more highly of each of you and think you are capable of much greater depth of communication. We all need some practice in how to have dialogue about sensitive issues. It can only help all of us communicate better in our families, with neighbors and right here in church. Let me give you an example from the recent Council workshops where grounded in our common love of God and this church, we have spoken truthfully about how this church is organized (revising the by-laws and operating procedures). It hasn't been dull or boring because we have spoken our truth. We listened to each other's opinions and reached consensus, if not always agreement. I believe everyone felt respected and heard and from that everyone was invested in the process. We have had a willingness to engage with each other respectfully. We all felt the blessing of the Holy Spirit, encourager, and helper in our midst.

I have a vision we can all communicate this way. Without engagement we can't have a real relationship of any depth. Relationship is the point of our unity, not agreement of opinions or experiences, and this unity is the benefit of this work.

In the church year, we are moving toward Pentecost, the coming of the Holy Spirit to the gathered praying community when the Christian church was formed. For us to become the Beloved Community, we must be community, gathered together, not alone. It is exponentially more difficult than being "spiritual" alone, yet the rewards of a true community the help of the Holy Sprit, the Kingdom on Earth. It will take courage, patience, tolerance and forgiveness. But if we approach this sacred dialogue united in our love of God, of this church and each other, and if we can be honest and vulnerable, we will not be alone. I believe we are called to this and I also believe we are up to the challenge. May it become so. Amen

[HOME PAGE] [SERMON INDEX]