August 31, 2008

In the Rocking Boat

by Julianne Stokstad

Years ago I visited Foula, a small remote island north of Scotland, one of the Shetland Islands, to participate in a sea bird research project. As our group was about to leave, a big storm blew in from the North Atlantic and stranded us there. Gale force winds ferociously stirred up the sea into a angry and scary beast. Huge waves crashed on the rocky shore, the wind was so strong you could lean into it at 45 degrees and sheets of rain drenched the island. The locals said this could go on for a week. By the second day we had all missed our flights home and wondered how long this would last. On the evening of the third day, the storm had subsided enough, the mail boat made it to us. The next morning we were given the choice to take it or wait until a small plane could come. It would be several more days. I took the boat, even though I am very susceptible to sea-sickness and had no medicine. I was quite nervous. The boat was small, evidently quite sea worthy, after all it had made it out to us. I was put in the back of the cabin, near the engine. As we set off, I said my prayers. The swells grew suddenly large like mountains rising before us, and the horizon I was staring at would be lost for a moment. We rolled and pitched and jerked. The wind howled, the waves crashed over the bow and I wondered what it HAD been like when the storm was really bad. Fear, raw terror is what I remember from that trip. Fear of being sea-sick and beyond that the fear of being overcome by the power of that huge and very angry dark sea.

Well, I made it. Today I want to speak about fear and faith in the midst of storms. The story of the disciples in a boat on a stormy sea is important, because it appears in three of the four gospels. The Jews were not a seafaring people. No one knew how to swim. Even though they fished near the shore of Galilee, they didn't sail the Mediterranean Sea. For them, the sea was a symbol for chaos, disorder. Early Christians hearing this story understood the boat as an image for the church. Like Noah's ark, it was the place of safety from the storm and represented the way to salvation. This image is so crucial to Christianity if one looks up in medieval cathedrals, the ceiling looks like the inside of an upside down boat.

The first thing Jesus says to them in this story is "Don't be afraid." Throughout the gospels Jesus spoke more often about fear than any other topic. Fear is infectious and comes in many forms, private and public. Fear freezes us up. Fear paralyzes us. When we are afraid, we are willing to give up much to be safe, however we think that is. Think about how fear of terrorism controls America these days. Standing in a security line at the airport, I hear the same public service announcement in airports: "the terrorist threat level is orange today" (does it ever change I wonder). I think about how successfully fear controls us. Jesus spoke more about fear than love because he knew fear blocks love. Fear blocks our awareness of God's presence. Fear closes us up and puts us in a defensive mode. Fear creates hard hearts.

The first fear we see in the story is fear of the natural world. As the disciples struggled against the power of the storm they were afraid. I told my fear of rough seas. What are you afraid of---fire, earthquakes, cancer? Looking deeper into our fear I see fear of vulnerability and ultimately fear of our inevitable death.

The disciples' also fear what they don't understand. They, like us, have set views about what is possible and impossible in this world. When they see someone walking on water, they wonder if it is a ghost or perhaps one of the evil spirits Jesus had been recently casting out. Jesus calls to them saying "Take heart, it is I; do not be afraid." The miracles Jesus did, whether feeding the 5000 or walking on water tell us that more is possible than we think. We modern folk don't know what to think about these miracle stories. Many discount them as fairy tales, not to be taken literally. And yet there is healing from life threatening diseases. There is healing in the treatment of mental illness with medication and therapy. There is peace to be found in the face of huge suffering. Forgiveness, reconciliation happens. New life happens.

We don't know what to make of encounters with the divine. In an interesting way to look at these miracles, physicist and theologian John Polkinghorne compares Jesus' dual human-divine nature to that of light's dual nature. Modern physics tells us light is both a wave and a particle depending on how you look at it. We fear what we don't know. Jesus recognizes our fears and calls to us, reaching out.

Then there is fear of abandonment. The disciples were out there in their little boat, sent by Jesus, now in trouble and where is he? The early Christian church feared Jesus had left them for good. He had promised he would return, but a generation or two after Jesus died, when the Gospel of Matthew was written, he hadn't yet returned as they expected he would. This story speaks to that fear. It tells that Jesus came to them, in a mysterious way, calming the storm that battered them. I know for us too, Jesus, the presence of God in this world, comes to us in our need, whenever we call. We need to look deeper, under our fears, for under the raging sea, the water is always calm.

Lastly is fear of change. Theologian Karl Barth wrote "Fear is anticipation of a supposedly certain defeat." Most of us resist change, stubbornly, persistently digging in our heels. We pessimistically fear something worse will replace what we have now. Change can trigger all the fear responses, touching all our past looses and grief thereby magnifying our response. I want to say clearly, we always have a choice how to respond to change. One important way to see this story is not so much about defying gravity as overcoming our fear of change. We always have the choice to respond to change without fear.

Fear is the adversary of faith and trust. As an eager Peter needed to test his faith, he leapt out of the boat. The story has traditionally been interpreted as a cautionary tale of what happens when fear overcomes us and our faith fails. Are we a church full of secret post-modern Peters?

When my faith grows weak and it does sometimes in times of struggle, I don't need to be berated. Flora Wuellner in her new book Miracles offers a new way of seeing Peter. This can be understood not as test of faith as an impulsive individualistic action outside God's guidance? How often do we get a bright idea and then jump out of the boat and go do it? How often does pride, our deeply ingrained habits of thinking and reacting, our own arrogance push us into actions that lead us away from God? ,I think we need to pay attention to this because you are telling me how much you value deeply this church, your faith and your relationship with God, yet so many of you are over-committed, rushing about, feeling like you are drowning in the stormy waters of your lives

My final point is to look at what this story reveal to us about the nature of Jesus and God. For Matthew, Jesus is the visible presence of God in our world. He is the head of the church, the captain of the boat amidst the storms of life. Jesus asks for our obedience and faith and tells us over and over not to be afraid.

Jesus understands their fear and our fear. In his compassion he understands Peter's going off on his own. When Peter began to sink and called out, Jesus reached out his hand and saved him. The real miracle then isn't the faith mustered up by the threatened disciples, but the reassurance that they and we are not abandoned by Jesus.

Marjory Kempe, a thirteenth century mystic told of Christ appearing to her asking, "Why have you abandoned me, who never abandoned you?" It is our fear that separates us from the abiding holy presence. And so I wonder how it is for you in the struggles and storms of your lives? We are not promised us a life without challenges and struggles. Take heart and trust, my friends. Look deeper than your fear. Do not be afraid, for God has promised to be forever with us. Peace, deep peace beyond words, joy and hope are here for us even if the boat is rocking. Go deeper.

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