February 26, 2006

Given

by Julianne Stokstad

This is the fourth and final sermon based on Henri Nouwen's book Life of the Beloved. In it, he presents a model for the development of our spiritual life. Like the bread in communion, he says, "We are chosen, blessed and broken so as to be given." (p. 84) Because giving is an essential part of our spiritual lives, we, as Christians live and give in community. This is especially important here, in Marin County, at this time where individuality is held up as a sacred value and where religion, especially Christianity, is often rejected and usually misunderstood.

I'm preaching to the choir here. This is the most giving community I have ever experienced. We know the joy experienced when we give. Giving can open our hearts. We know when we choose to give, freely and not grudgingly, the best part of our human nature comes into the forefront. We become people of light. Today's scripture tells us " the measure you give is the measure you get." But like anything where humans are involved, what ought to be simple, can get complicated. Most of us find it much easier to give than to receive. If this is how we feel then we must look for our motive in giving. So often being the giver gives us the upper hand while we feel receiving requires humility.

Nouwen speaks about breaking bread together, how the sharing of a meal is one of the most beautiful expressions of giving. Table hospitality, the food, the drinks, the words, and the stories are very intimate ways in which we share ourselves with one another. Eating together calls us to live in unity and peace. In times of conflict, when the tension becomes visible in silence, disagreements or even absence, it is first clear at the dinner table or in the communion circle.

Giving generally means putting out for others, but I experienced giving in a very different way on my India trip. I have one last experience from my trip to India to share and I've saved the best for last. People asked me why I was going. While I enjoy adventures that was not why I went on this trip. I knew the itinerary, but I didn't know much about where we were going or really much care. I didn't know any of the other people on the trip. I simply knew with clarity this trip was something I wanted to do. I had very few expectations. I prepared carefully for the trip and came in touch with my fears and concerns. Oh I'm good at dreaming up awful things that might happen like being robbed and having my finger chopped off. I set my intention to be aware of the experiences within myself and on the trip.

In India, I slowly began to notice something unusual was happening in me. Generally I am not a relaxed passenger in a car. I'm the one who braces first for a danger that I seem to see before others. In India, the driving was the scariest I have ever experienced, and yet, and yet, I was totally relaxed about it. That was my first clue. The second was my reaction to my illness. One of my concerns was that I might get sick, but when it happened I simply gave myself to the illness, my relaxation and trust of the doctor and nurse was surprising to me. I don't like doctors. It was another clue. When the group broke up, I knew I had the freedom to choose to do whatever I wanted, to go or to stay. Don't get me wrong, I was not a passive wimp on this trip, I saw I had great strength.

Upon return and reflecting, this is clearly the greatest grace of the trip----the grace of fully giving myself over to the experience of each day. I moved away from judging experiences as good or bad into just experiencing them and being as aware as I could be. I think this just might be the experience of surrender so often spoken about in spiritual literature. Surrendering oneself to God's will might mean being fully present to the experience of each day and more present to others. For me resistance was gone. Expectations were gone. Projections were gone. I got myself out of the way. And let me tell you, I knew I was held in prayer. I knew I was held in God's grace and that whatever happened, all would be well. You've heard the cliché (and how I hate clichés) "Let go and let God"--- that was what I experienced for the whole two weeks.

So how does my experience of giving over fit in with what Nouwen says? He speaks of two directions in which we give: giving oneself in life and giving oneself in death.

First, he says our life itself is the greatest gift we have to give. In our competitive society, we get the point of giving confused by getting our gifts and our talents mixed up. Talents area the skills we have, what we can do, like on our Time and Talent sheets. We can fix a pipe or pull weeds or bake a cake or speak in front of people---these are our talents. We become defined by what we can do. Our own and others expectations are too often related to talents. Nouwen defines our gifts as the many ways in which we express our humanity. They are qualities of being that make us who we are-our being ness. Qualities like kindness, patience, integrity, peace, forgiveness, gentleness, love, hope, and courage and strength. When we focus only on our talents, we forget that our real gift is not so much what we can do but who we are. I don't want to denigrate the tangible help we give each other, but rather call attention to the gift of our own unique self that shines through all we do. I remember Hal, an old guy with emphysema. At his memorial service, a young man spoke with great emotion about how Hal's smile and friendly greeting each Sunday touched him more than anything else in church.

Secondly, Nouwen says we are called to give ourselves not only in life, but also in death. "As the Beloved of God, we are called to make our death the greatest gift." (p. 92) In our culture, where death is often seen as the great enemy to be defeated at all costs, this is a big challenge, yet one that is very important. One of the very few things we do know for sure in this life is that we all must die. Mystics and great teachers have always taught that we don't fully experience being alive until we face our death and befriend it. Life is never so sweet as when we realize we won't always have it. We have the choice to become teachers in our own dying. I know I learned precious lessons about living from my mother in her dying. Then what became more real and tangible than ever before was her love. The light of love shined through her in pure and simple ways that I had not seen.

So what is the point? Nouwen says, "Put simply, life is a God-given opportunity to become who we are, to affirm our own true spiritual nature, claim our truth......but most of all, to say "Yes" to the One who calls us Beloved. The unfathomable mystery of God is that God is a Lover who wants to be loved. The spiritual life offers the chance to say, 'Yes' to our inner truth. The spiritual life, thus understood, radically changes everything." (p.133) I say it involves a giving over of expectations and projections others put upon us and we put upon ourselves. It involves the discipline, that is developing the habit of being truly present to what is happening each day. It involves seeing clearly and loving more fully.

A biography of Henri Nouwen tells how his friends were very frustrated with him because he didn't live what he wrote. Perhaps no one can. One of his gifts is his honesty about his struggles. His words point each of us whether we are in the swamps or mountaintops or just trudging along on our journey to realize God's desire for each of us to grow into the beautiful expression God created us to be. Much of what Nouwen wrote rings deeply true in the light of my experience. We all struggle to make sense of our life and to find meaning within it. I truly believe our meaning comes in knowing we are God's beloved---chosen by God to be here, blessed by each other and God, broken by the trials of life, to give ourselves to others so that they too might live into the great good that is within each of us. May God bless each of your journeys. Amen.